Thanksgiving Introspection 2011

For those who have known me long enough knows this fact: I often think about the many sorry history in the past.  At times, those memories have literally decimated my psyche in more ways than one, thus literally froze up at the worst possible time.  Especially after experiencing the most heinous event last year, the enormous scrutiny from my parents that came after (and often) have essentially put me into pedestool.  In truth, I became the main character in one of the most popular parables in the Parable of the Lost Son (Luke 15:11-32) for most of 2010, and quite possibly most of my lifetime before that year.Trial, error, tribulation, and anything else in between that drove my desolation, has been that “gorilla” hanging around my back.  Any sign of trouble and that gorilla would wiggle even more weight on me.  At times, those memories have wrenched my soul, thus causing me plenty of grieves surrounding my life.  Wherever I have gone, uncertainty and doubts often follow in full force, thus making my emotions rather disruptive – and some of those instances had even led to some forms of decimation for no reason at all.  Eventually, all of that accumulated into the final straw one year ago earlier in that month.  There was a point in time I was pondering suicide in various ways, but something stopped me from happening.  It was God, who dispatched my cousin Jimmy Wong, who has been a christian for the last decade, and brought me back to the living – in both physically and spiritually.

One year have passed since all that devastation, while my life hasn’t been easy, to say the least, with my dad constantly harassed me of those bad decisions I made in the past (to be utterly frank, it’s even more unbearable when he mixed them with series of profanity), and owes tens of thousands of dollars to my aunt (Jimmy’s mother) who lives not far from my residence, I manage to survive somehow with guidance from the Heavenly Father, and now I know why I need the support of brothers and sisters in the fellowship in times like this.  Although I am trying to find my place in the group, at least I finally find where I truly belong – in the home of Jesus.

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